The golden rule of love: Love yourself first

We all know the old saying, you cannot give what you do not have. While many people seek love in other people, things or lifestyle, the basic truth about love is to love yourself first. The extent to which you love yourself is as almost the same extent to which you can love another, the energy that radiates from you forces its way into the next person.

Some people still ask this question, how do I love myself? Loving yourself first means accepting yourself for who you are, taking out time to discover you, to find out your strenghts, flaws and the things that make you tick. The earlier you begin to accept who you are and identify your worth, the easier it is to embrace and love yourself. You can start with loving tiny bits of you, for instance, I love my legs, I love the way I go out of my way to help people, I love the way I handle situations and lots more. All these put together eventually makes me realize the little things that make me whole and I appreciate that I can do these things thereby loving myself even more. So what’s important is to begin to identify the small things you like about you, acknowledge that you are human and the goal is to get better each day, feel good about the things you love doing and gradually you would move into accepting and loving the bigger YOU.

On the contrary, what you need to stop doing is to stop focusing on your weaknesses or complaning about the things that make you detest yourself, or your inability to do certain things without acknowledging that you are good at other things. You have to stop comparing yourself with other people and key into what makes you stand out. Accept that you cannot be everything and give other people room to be those things. Its vital to know your worth and remind yourself each day the beautiful things that make YOU.

Also, you really are what you attract. If you are a happy, secure and confident person, you would also attract same and vice-versa. Once you start loving yourself appropriately and focusing on the things that make you happy, you would begin to discover that the right and deserving kind of love would come to you from friends, family and those you come in contact with. We often times attract people who share the same values, beliefs and views as ourselves. We shouldnt always say we want someone God-fearing, polite and hardworking when we ourselves are nothing close to it. Its just like saying you want someone who is truthful and hardworking and your ways are lazy and dubious, how on earth is that gonna work? You can’t expect someone to also love you with your baggages, low self esteem and complaints, you have to learn to love yourself the way you want people to love you.

Often times, some people are in relationships because they can’t stand being single, they feel that they constantly need to be with someone to make them feel secure or to tell them their worth or compliment them. They lean on their partners so badly even when it is clear to them that they are no longer wanted, but rather than move on, they would plead to remain in the relationship. The truth is, non of those things would really make you any more happier than you are because you already feel so insecure. The remedy to this, is to learn to discover and accept yourself. You dont need to be in a relationship to prove your worth to anyone. Happiness should start with you and not in the thought of being with someone or in a relationship. Its better being single and happy than being in an undeserving kind of relationship. The moment you begin to love yourself, things begin to fall into place, you accept the things that come and let go of the things that go.

Its so much important to focus on yourself, be alive within you, feel your existence and  appreciate you. Say I LOVE ME, its okay to fall in love with yourself, love yourself the way you want to be loved and as Debasish Mridha puts it “if you ever want to love someone else, love yourself unconditionally first”.

Thanks guys for reading.

Please share with me what you love about yourself, I wish to know all about it.

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6 Comments on "The golden rule of love: Love yourself first"

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You ‘ve nailed it from every angle. From a guy’s perspective, being in a relationship with a lady that’s emotionally dependent on you for her self-worth isn’t attractive. We can only complement but when you make us your alpha and omega to show you love without loving yourself, you become a burden and some guys will even take advantage and enslave you (and vice-versa). However, the root cause of this non-appetite to love ourselves is from childhood where parents don’t pay much attention to these ‘little things’. Where our African parents find it difficult to say I LOVE YOU, I… Read more »
Narcissist 01

Nice article….The truth is Most people fail to realise their self worth, for a thing to be valuable ü have to not just have a good knowledge of what gives it value, u have to Find, see and feel it…Personally i cant help but love me, because i am made from God’s image and likeness,even the bible urges us to love our neighbor as we love ”thyself’….i love my belief System, i love my potentials, i love my character, i love my looks,i love my enthusiasm they all keep me going….I ABSOLUTELY LOVE ME!!!!

IHM, this article though it looks like an easy,every day type article, you dont get to appreciate its thought provoking nature until you try to drop a comment, just then you find yourself saying Whao!. Fabulously articulated. More grease!! We often ask for what we dont have…We Africans are not thought in time how to have a “love deposit”so we grow up looking for love and most times always in wrong people and place. The moral lesson here in this article would be to learn to build a”love bank” because its only in abundance you can give. They say Charity(love)… Read more »

This awareness and the ingraining of the principles in this articles is what we need as humans to become our true selves and be truly fulfilled in life. Otherwise, we will keep seeking what is not lost but buried within us. Great work!


Yes! This post reminds me of a conversation I had with someone recently. The person asked, ‘Fine girl like you, why don’t you have a boyfriend?’ Hmmm…I replied, ‘I just want to find myself and love myself, Tired of having a relationship define the love I get.’ You know, I needed a break and now I appreciate the self discovery and self love journey I embarked on. I know my worth and I am not looking to settle for mediocre love.